Transitions
Or: You gotta keep walking.
Last week, I went for a run every morning, same distance, same route. On the first day, the ground was dry, a fairly average run on the gravel paths, the grass and soil on the route I had chosen. It started raining later that day and by the time I went for my run the following morning, the ground had been soaked by the rain, the soil had turned into mud and the grass had become slippery. To make it even more challenging, the next night the temperature had briefly dropped below freezing and as a result, the water puddles had gotten a thin, deceiving layer of ice. In turn, I had gotten wet shoes and damp socks that I had to endure on a long and slow run, carefully placing each step and navigating around any deeper pools of water.
Now, the temperatures continued to drop and the next morning tiny ice crystals had formed on the ground, beautifully reflecting the intense light of a red early-morning sun. The air was crisp and the sky was clear. The ground was completely frozen and the slippery mud had turned solid, providing fantastic grip for effortless strides. The puddles were frozen as well and I could run right across them, taking the most direct path. What a run! While I was breathing pure joy, I started to think about the transition I had experienced.
The qualities of a transition stage reveal nothing about the qualities of the following stage.
The wet, muddy and slippery runs had nothing to do with the beautiful run on solid, frozen ground. When I was working my way through and around half-frozen puddles, I could not foresee how pristine the following day would be. The effort of yesterday’s run was unrelated to this morning’s flow.
This is the same with any other transition stage: The heartbreak I experienced after breaking up with a girlfriend years ago did not tell me anything about the joy and freedom I would experience later on. The uncertainty and insecurity I felt after quitting a job did not reveal anything about the comfort and confidence I felt when I started in a more fitting role in another company. If I had thought that the experiences in the transition stage had been foreshadowing what I was to experience in the following stage, I had probably given up on the journey: If I had extrapolated from the misery of a broken heart to a future of being lonely and miserable, it had been difficult to keep moving forward.
The transition stage is a separate, unique stage and it would be a mistake to expect any improvements while still transitioning: It will be difficult, muddy, painful, tiring. Imagine the transition stage to be a long and shaky rope bridge, leading from one cliff edge to another: The scary feeling while you are crossing the bridge is not a sign for an even scarier, shakier feeling that will await you on the other side of the bridge. No, you will arrive on solid ground. You’ll sit down, relieved, take a deep breath and you’ll feel proud that you made it across.
You gotta keep walking…
The rope bridge will be shaking underneath you until you have taken the very last step off it. It will not have a steady, safe resting place after you walked the first few metres — on the contrary, at the beginning it will get more shaky with every step you take! Your only job is to keep walking, to take enough care of yourself so you can keep walking. You cannot expect the transition stage to provide any evidence that you are on the right path, evidence like a glimpse of future opportunities or a preview of the moments of joy the next stage might have to offer. This evidence and the support to keep walking is not to be found in the transition stage, it comes from the previous stage you left behind. The fact that you left is all the confirmation you need, regardless of the reason why you left or were made to leave that previous stage. Maybe you quit a job or got fired, maybe you moved out of an apartment, you broke up with someone or someone broke up with you- here you are now: Transitioning, moving on. On your way to put your past experiences to use, to turn lamenting into learning. To find a little bit more freedom, to discover new beauty, to be able to be more of yourself. You couldn’t stay where you were, so don’t waste your energy going back now. You’ll need the energy to keep walking forward.
…until you reach the next stage.
In case you yourself left the previous stage of your life instead of having been forced out of it, this will make one big difference: It will be easier to understand that you are in a transition. If you decided to quit your job, you had probably realized that something needed to change and accepted, or even expected, a transition stage to follow.
If you were fired, though, you might just look for the next job that most closely resembles what you did before. Or for a partner that is just like your ex. There might be good reasons for you to do so, but you might also for no good reason ignore that a transition started and assume that you directly entered the next stage, skipping any painful transition in between. You might not realize that you are transitioning. So if that new stage begins to feel a little shitty, then why not give yourself the benefit of the doubt and believe it is a transition stage you are currently crossing?! Whether you entered a transition stage deliberately, unknowingly or against your will: You will only know where it ends when you have left it.
And forward from there…
Since you can only identify transition stages in hindsight — well, you might just be in one right now. Chances are pretty high, in fact. Every stage turns into a transition stage, as soon as we dare to move forward from it. As soon as we keep walking over that shaky bridge, or over that muddy ground, curious about what we might find ahead. So, time to take a last look back, learn whatever there was left to learn and then gratefully walk forward again. The journey is long, but it will be worth it.
